literally?

This is where my mind is today...do I take myself far too literally?    For someone who has studied mythology, hence METAPHOR, for all of my adult life, am I really just now getting around to this question?

What I mean by this is this:  I treat life as though I AM the center, that somehow who I am is most important.  I am happy, I am in pain, I am confused, I am tired, ad nauseam.

What if I am wrong?  What if my life is about opening up to 'mystery'  (god, goddess, spirit, truth, etc.) and I've been following the wrong map?  What if with all my intelligence, I am mistaken?

August was quite a month for me.  You know the old saying, "Those who will not follow, the gods will drag".  I've been dragged.  What have I learned?

I've learned to be humble.  I've learned that I can be arrogant, especially about who I think I am.  I've learned that it doesn't take much for the rug to be pulled out from under what we think is a stable and secure life.  We topple.  We go in shock.

I couldn't believe and still haven't 100% assimilated, what unfolded so quickly.  What did I see?  Truths, truths that I was skirting around and didn't realize I was.

So this brings me to my thought of the day: What if I take myself too literally?

I think I do.

What does it look like if I lighten up?  If I stop trying to win, succeed, impress, and achieve? Oh that is the $64,000 question, isn't it?

I am using a lot of question marks in this blog.  Lot of wondering going on here.

On another note, the weather in VT has been crazy.  One day using the woodstove, the next it's 88 and humid and the fans are dragged out of the addition.  Powerful hail/rain/thunderstorm yesterday and again today.  Wild energy flying all over the place.  Weird lightening, long rolling thunder, for hours!
Nice to see I am not the only one going through changes/transitions.

Tomorrow we are supposed to be back to September VT weather, in the 60s.

I am not sure where I am heading in my life.  A part of me wants to go back to being a stay-at-home mother who homeschools her 2 boys.  That life is over and it happened while I wasn't watching, apparently.

I am at a crossroad.  I look around and do not see a road that I want to take but then again, I can't see very well right now.   It's all hazy, cloudy so I am standing still waiting for things to settle.

I don't want to make any mistakes but that it not my decision, is it?  I want to walk a path guaranteed to work out well, yeah right, who ever gets those odds?

I say I want an answer but I have an answer.  I am fighting with the truth again.  The truth is...I need to stay put, stand still and WAIT.  I don't wanna wait!  See, taking myself too literally.  Stop it.  Open up. Breathe.  Trust.  Believe.

Okay, I've been dragged enough.  Enough already.  I wait...