Snowy Sunday Morn

(an email i sent to my brother)

Good morning,

I had time to sit by the wood stove and drink my tea.  I cried as I felt so at peace with myself and the world.  What more do I need?

These following thoughts about you came pouring through me...so I am sharing them:

Matt, You have more love inside you that you can imagine.  It is all squeezed into a tiny room.  You only need to turn the handle and open the door.
Yes, you are all the things you have done and said but you are also still the innocent child who wants his mother to love and protect him.  The boy who wants his father to be proud of him and show him how the world works.

Unleashing the love you hide and protect will help you forgive yourself.  Forgive yourself for hurting yourself, for ignoring yourself, for beating yourself up, for the yelling, the silence, the running away, the blaming everyone else, blaming the world.

Sitting with yourself, remembering your kindness and your tender heart, you can let your love fill you up.  You can love yourself like a mother loves their baby.  You can love yourself like a proud pappa as he holds his tiny son in his big arms.  You can love yourself like a brother, a sister, and a friend.  You are more than capable of this.  You have just forgotten that what you are so frantically searching for is already inside you.  You never lost it.  It nveer went anywhere, it cannot die.

That tiny grain of sand of love, that tiny light is to be found in you.

Ask for forgiveness from the universe and it is immediately given.  You do not have to push, pull, debate, and bargain with yourself.  Stop.  Breath.  Look.
You are nature, you cannot be separated.

You don't have to hid, run away, distract, exhaust yourself anymore.  You are not alone.  It is not possible.

Embrace the boy who loves his mother, father, sisters and brother.   You didn't do anything wrong.  You've been searching in the dark and have been confused, lost and bumping into things.

Make a list of all the things you have done or said that you no longer want to carry.   Read it aloud to the ocean or something. Then, let it go.  Burn it, bury it...let nature take care of it for you.

Let it go.   Start fresh. You have so much to give.  It is by helping others that we truly feel alive.  Why else are we all here if not to be ourselves and share that incredible beauty/talent/skill with others.

I see beautiful things in you Matt.  Forgive yourself, embrace yourself and live for the love of a child.  That child is you.

Love, Patty  xo